Being Instead of Seeming: Why Authenticity Is Courage?
Everyone in the world performs for someone: for bosses, family, friends, partners, sometimes even themselves. That’s the payment for being in society, some would say. We learn to be polite, funny, and understanding when interacting with others. It can be a reasonable choice from time to time, but if we turn into someone else for so long we don’t see ourselves anymore in the mirror, then we have lost a part of ourselves.
Authenticity is one of the hardest things we can earn. Sometimes, we can even regret it because being your true self can be tough. Doing so requires courage. Courage to risk rejection or failure, to leave some people behind, to change how we see ourselves. Yet, it’s also a gift of truth, of discovering yourself layer after layer, and of finally living.
The Endless Hide and Seek
Early on in our lives, we learn that speaking everything we think and doing everything we want isn’t going to get us far in our parents’ good graces — and that’s a normal aspect of growing up. We learn about accountability and the importance of being a part of society. We find answers to questions “how to dress better,” “what is procrastination and why do I keep falling for it,” and “pros and cons of picking that scandalous T-shirt.” Normal growing-up stuff.
Unfortunately, children often face a bit of an uphill battle when spreading their roots. They find out that almost everywhere (school, home, extracurriculars), they are most liked when they are pleasant, quiet, agreeable, and smart.
As we grow up, we face other sources of influence, and social media can be one of the key culprits. The few influencers who are honest about social media’s fakeness don’t override the endless list of other creators who always seem to look perfect or maintain a certain image. This drives others — friends, family, colleagues — to do the same. We join the trend, as if our offline lives are online publications as well.
The longer we pretend around others, the harder it becomes to be our real selves, even when we are alone. It’s easier. It’s safer. We know this version of us is likeable, so why risk it?
The Burden of Pretending
We pay dearly for our pretending, even if we don’t know it at first. Do you know why? Because every lie we show, do, and think is an act of self-betrayal. We wear someone else’s skin until we become one with it.
Living in a state of constant performance is exhausting. Emotionally, mentally, even physically. We monitor our behavior and control what we say to make sure our image is the same. And the worst thing? We can forget who we are. Some people who have been pretending for too long sometimes admit to their therapists that they don’t know where others’ perceptions stop and their identity begins.
Pretending has a broad list of negative emotional, mental, and physical consequences:
- Your anxiety grows
- Your self-esteem erodes
- You no longer feel the same joy as before
- You experience decision fatigue
- You lose clarity
- You may develop symptoms of depression
- Your body remains in a state of low-grade stress
- You are physically drained
- You feel lonely.
These barely scratch the surface, but they already show that a person who doesn’t dare to be themselves has their entire life affected by it.
Why Authenticity = Courage
Despite all the disadvantages of pretending and never being ourselves, authenticity isn’t easy.
It means being yourself and acting by your values, regardless of whether others will like it.
But it also means holding your ground when someone doesn’t like it. Doing something that scares you before you know it’s what you want to do. Being just like you are, knowing that some people might not understand or accept it.
That’s why authenticity is courage.
Many people who try to become themselves drop it because the long-term benefits are too distant while the short-term discomfort is more pressing. It takes patience and hard self-work to continuously live as you are and not equate being liked with safety.
Plus, let’s not forget the bravery of facing yourself. We often attempt to overlook some parts of us we don’t particularly admire, but authenticity is being all of us. It doesn’t mean acting on your unpleasant impulses, but being aware of them.
Being Real Is Rewarding
Authenticity will be liberating if you are brave enough to shed the false skin and become the real you. It will become a door through which you uncover an entirely new perception of the world.
Genuine Relationships
Your relationships become more fulfilling because you no longer show up as someone else. Although some people may be unaccepting of you, ask yourself: Are these relationships worth continuing if the other person doesn’t accept you?
Self-Worth and Self-Respect
Living authentically strengthens your sense of self-worth. You no longer rely on external validation to feel okay, and that is empowering. You realize that you’re more than just a combination of other people’s views about you.
Emotional and Psychological Stability
When you stop spending energy on performing, your mind quiets down. As noted in the liven app, when you shape the world into something that you actually like and feel to be true, you leave behind second-guessing and constant anxiety.
Life That Is Yours
The moment you stop fighting for the life of someone you are not, every choice becomes a dare where the victory brings you closer to the real you. Even when it’s something unusual or a bit scary, it leads you exactly where you have to be. It’s a palette of possibilities, and you have all the power — and genuineness — to grab the ones that appeal to you.
Daring. Being
The comfort of being someone else is a cage, and the world outside of it is exciting and unique. The catch is that the cage isn’t locked, but we often fear getting out of it. Once you make the first steps, you will notice how being true, being honest with your inner self, isn’t only difficult — it’s also exciting, rewarding, and brave. If you are tired of pretending, you are not weak. You are ready to dare.
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